*~ On Pausing

My range of emotions throughout each day are so wildly expansive. Being an empath, I feel everything- I feel my shit, I feel your shit, I feel his shit, her shit. Well, it’s not shit really but it is a lot of emotion and feeling to sift through and it’s sometimes hard to decipher what is actually mine. This is still in a many ways very new to me and I’m learning how to process and protect my own energy. But anyway, I often times wake up totally fine and as soon as I step into work, I’m inundated with everything everyone around me has going on. We share a cube space with another employee and the one I sit with is a vampire. Her negativity and bad attitude twists me up more than anyone else there and I loathe having to share that area with her. She often says how similar she and I are which causes me to practically choke on my words of protest so as not to start a riot. I knew from my first encounter with her that she was not trustworthy and something just didn’t feel right. I’ve talked to her, I’ve shared bits and pieces of my life with her as we do with coworkers or casual acquaintances and I think I just wanted my gut instinct to be wrong.. especially when I learned we’d be sharing such a close space but the fact is, intuition is not incorrect. Period. So when something feels off or you believe you may be seeing right though someone’s BS, trust it!

This isn’t going to be another work related post though. I actually wanted to touch on my Saturday and how I was able to take bad feelings and turn them around proving to me that sometimes we really can redirect the way our day will go by simply changing our thought pattern. I mention the work stuff above because I STRUGGLE with that!! The minute I take on someone else’s anger or frustration or funky mood, or if i just have my own stuff going on, I feel like my whole day is completely shot. My number one goal in 2019 should be working on constraint meditation because I think that would be my best tool to help navigate through those thoughts. Anyway, I woke up Saturday morning (on the couch whoops) at 4:30 which is my usual weekday time. My cats do like to keep my routine in check so often they participate in their wake up Hoomom rituals, even on the weekends. My head was pounding and the fear of another dreaded migraine like the one I had for several days earlier in the week made me fearful to get up. But I did and I fed the cats their canned breakfast and went about juicing my celery as normal when suddenly the garbage disposal seemed to stop working and therefore backed up yucky celery debris and dirty water into my sink. I was immediately SO mad. At the sink, at the apartment complex, at maintenance, at my neighbors, at myself. Everything was an instant target. “It’s not even 6 am and I’m already done with this day! What the fuck?!” That’s my automatic response -to give in and just succumb to a negative situation. “Now I’m going have to call maintenance and wait around for them all day to half ass fix this. I’ve never had to call maintenance this much for anywhere I’ve lived (which is true) This isn’t a “luxury apartment” this place is no better than a cheap dump in the city. My whole weekend is ruined” This is me feeling my shit in the most unfortunate of ways.

I was ready to throw in the towel on 48 hours due to those two issues within 30 minutes of waking up! But this time, I did pause and I did breathe. I got immediately super pissed but once I realized how irrationally upset I was, I took that literal pause I hear Pema Chödrön and others talk about. I worked on my ability of putting to use my words of the year “letting go”

After waiting a bit for the celery juice to work it’s magic I made coffee, ordered groceries, and I reflected on all the things I have to be grateful for. All the things good that far outweigh the little bit of discomfort a clogged sink or a headache gives me. I acknowledged what a pain dealing with the issue would be but accepted it as something that happens sometimes and reminded myself how thankful I should be to have someone to call and fix it for no additional cost! Had I bought a house, that wouldn’t be the case. And as much I thought I needed to manifest purchasing a home this year, I realize that the universe is showing me I’m not ready and teaching me to be satisfied and grateful for where I’m at currently in this moment.

After a while of quiet inner self reasoning, I decide to do a few chores and grab a shower so I could go ahead and put in my cry for help to the office… But first… I decided to check on the sink situation again and noticed the water had gone down. I poked around with a knife and ended up freeing a bit of celery that was stuck I guess, and voilà! Garbage disposal fixed.

Originally I had taken this incident and the headache to mean I needed to stay home but once I realized the sink was fine and my headache was fading, I decided to let go of the little blip in morning and head out to a few thrift stores I was feeling pulled to before picking up my grocery order. I encountered sweet people who engaged with me in a way that didn’t make me feel awkward, I felt incredibly light and positive and I found a mess of beautiful boho clothing to top it all off, as if I needed anything else.

I came home and purged a bunch of old stuff out my closet I intend to give away, chatted with my mom on the phone and I had a really lovely day! I truly believe that had I not taken that time to sit calmly with my thoughts, acknowledge them but veer away from the poor me path and back onto the grateful me path, I wouldn’t have had the same sort of day it turned out to be.

I also screen capped this from the other day because I felt so moved by how it could apply to my current journey of self healing.

What I’m listening to- The Beatles

Current Weather : 38 degrees grey and rainy. Brrrrr

Also, I made a spicy Vegan Corn Chowder for lunch using this recipe found here

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*~ On speaking my truth (in a very public way)

I had to document my intensely interesting afternoon at work today..

It started off just ok going into the second morning of a terrible migraine and a decent workload for once. I’ve been embracing the ability to stay busy finally and keeping very much to myself the last two weeks especially after a SUPREME negative energy decided to accuse me of “always standing around chatting” which I found hilarious considering I am the least social person in that entire building. In fact, it pains me to make small talk with most everyone there so on the occasions I am up out of my seat engaging with a coworker, it’s work related or a really fucking good/funny/terrible story that NEEDS to be told but those moments are few and far between. I can be talkative in some cases with certain people but I’m not a chatter. I haven’t been for a long time. Anyway, this person is just wretched to everyone, and how she is still in a leadership role is beyond me.

I have held onto anger from her accusation for almost two weeks now and I just couldn’t seem to move past it no matter what I tried. I have an incredibly strong work ethic so I don’t appreciate anyone questioning my character in that way. AND most of the other people who DO need the good ol’ golden rules of work place behavior conversations could burn the place down and get away scot free. That infuriates me.

Moving on through my day, we had a 2pm meeting wherein I accepted an award whilst simultaneously calling out the woman who spat her venom at me in front of an entire room of people who in response began laughing and clapping. Perhaps my timing was a little off and dare I say inappropriate given the circumstances and LARGE crowd of coworkers but you know what?! That’s the most empowered I’ve ever felt and it was HEALING! Speaking my truth and publicizing her lies felt GREAT even if possibly a little on the petty side. I had no idea what the meeting was about, much less that I’d be given a plaque or having my picture taken for the company message board but for some reason I think I somehow internally knew that something would happen in there. My mind had been prepping me in a way I don’t think I totally understood or realized which I believe explains why I couldn’t let go of my emotional connection to such a silly situation. And in all honesty a few years ago I would have never even dreamt of standing up for myself, definitely not in that manner. (I should add that Intuitive me decided to touch up my makeup after lunch right before this meeting and I found that so funny. It’s like I knew without realizing I’d be having my picture taken! 😋)

*~ On Giving Myself Time..

There’s always SO much in my head. So much I want and probably need to get out in some format and then when it comes right down to it, I get lazy. I criticize the unimportance of the content should someone else stumble across it, or I wait because I think I’ll find more inspiration to do a really incredibly worded post (but for whom??) and in turn lose sight of what I even intended to get out in the first place. I find myself in a constant game of manic go go go and do all the things (well, let me not get dramatic here- I simply mean that I feel more inspired and motivated during these times) mixed with an inability to do anything at all if it doesn’t involve being on the couch under a blanket, generally reading. I live such high highs and low lows and I never really have a sense of direction with them. They just appear as they wish and I try to sit with them, acknowledge them and ride them out. Is that the correct way to do this?

It’s been a year and a half this month since my boyfriend passed and in some ways I’m really confused as to what my response would be should someone ask how I’m doing. No one is asking of course. Not many have. I think that in a lot of ways I immediately came back to myself after the initial shock faded. I went back to the parts of me that have always been there that he wasn’t fond of. I reconnected with the parts of me I liked. The natural me. That was as close to having an old friend show up at the right time as I got and I’m thankful for it! There are so many parts of me and physical characteristics I can’t stand but overall the inner core of who I am isn’t such a bad person and I think it’s easy for us all to forget that basic principle when we’re busy ripping apart and altering all the other pieces of ourselves; usually for someone else. But with that said, I am also STRUGGLING to… “figure it all out” I can’t explain what it is I’m trying to figure out exactly but whatever it is, it’s tough! I think it’s mostly trying to determine my purpose after not only caregiving during his illness but also really putting forth a lot of effort into taking care of his ego prior to that too if I’m honest. And I think trying to find my natural direction and the moving on in a romantic sense weighs heavy.. letting go of the idea of “us” embracing the me and being ok with the possibility of another, different us when the time is right. I don’t even like the phrase letting go of (even though it’s my word/phrase for the year) in this case because of course I’ll never be like “ok fuck that guy” I’ve moved on and will never look back you know…. I don’t want it to be that. Despite the tumultuous times and intensities that were the vast ocean between he and I, I deeply loved him. More than anyone and anything in the world. It was a painful love that ached as much as if not more than it warmed the heart. And obviously seeing someone go through the agony that is cancer rob them of their very being inside and out until it takes their light with it is traumatic. And I’d never witnessed sickness in that way or even death. I think I may have mentioned before that my grandfather passed from cancer but I never saw any of the suffering. And naturally, I was incredibly sad when he passed but understood that this is what happens to our grandparents. I didn’t ever acknowledge the concept of this is also what could happen to our 47 year old significant others too. (Or anyone) So much of his ups and downs have left such heavy trauma sitting with me and perhaps that’s selfish of me to say. I wouldn’t go back and remove myself from the situation if I had the ability but I think it’s ok to acknowledge that it fucked me up too. I cripple with anxiety when it comes to healthcare (and btw I have some major dental work I’m having to get done so you can imagine how twisted my stomach is and has been over that) I intensely fear losing anyone who remains close to me and seeing/hearing an ambulance is nearly too much. Don’t even want to think about my reaction should I need to be in a hospital setting anytime soon. The mere mention of the word cancer practically sends me into hysterical tears. I guess that’s all understandable but I don’t know! It’s been a year and a half right? Why does it still feel so much like yesterday in a lot of ways?

I recently stumbled across the picture I posted at the top of this entry and I felt that it was placed there before me intentionally (in that magical, cosmic internet way)

Give yourself time.

It was as if someone was saying it to me as a reassurance. A flash of understanding that maybe it’s ok that I’m not “better” yet. That I’m not healed. Perhaps I am the cocoon now- that explains the constant staying in under literal wraps yes? The figuring it all out phase prior to launch? I rather like the idea of coming out of this as a beautiful butterfly but I’m not expecting it to be that easy. Or glamorous. I do wish I had a little more…. future vision I guess. I wish I knew when I wouldn’t feel so angry and so eager to hide away and try to disappear. In some ways I wonder if people who knew me with him wonder if with his death I also died in a hypothetical sense. Actually, I’m sure I don’t cross their minds at all which is fine but I’ve done a damn good job removing myself from everything that once was. The puff of mysterious smoke I’ve always wanted to be but somehow sitting here on the other side of the mirror has proved to be strange.

What I’m listening to- Fleetwood Mac! All day everyday for the last week especially.

Weather- February came back after a visit from April last week so it’s in the 40’s again. Last week was nearly 80!

*~ On being alone

I am the definition of an introvert.

In fact I would go as far as saying in jest that should you Wikipedia the word, a picture of me looking intensely awkward would pop up. But I’m ok with that. I think I’ve even grown to mostly love that about myself. The social anxiety and often complete lack of desire or perhaps interest in being around anyone sometimes gets in the way and becomes a nuisance in certain circumstances but otherwise I have grown to feel empowered in my solitude.

I saw that cute little sketch on Pinterest and I saved it because it perfectly captured my evenings and days off. Well, minus the two other cats.

Weekends are usually blissful for me if they’re slow and calm and I generally love them even more when I don’t leave my apartment. It feels safe here. And unless my upstairs neighbor has her child (or whatever the situation actually is, that’s just what I’ve deduced) it’s very quiet and serene- it feels like my secret retreat; my comforting fortress to protect me from the world of ugly chaos and hate fueled politics and prejudice. I’m close enough to walk to a few shops if I wanted to, a short drive from work, and far enough away from people in my past that I need to stay gone from. It’s an expensive place to reside and a bit of a snobby town if I’m honest but I do love how it feels to come home each day and not worry about much other than perhaps kids running around playing a little too recklessly or as I mentioned, the upstairs people being too noisy. But really, that’s it. Admittedly, I do find myself grumbling about the cost of living or my amazon packages getting left in the office against my direction (which means interacting with people) or worse yet, handed off to a neighbor I definitely don’t care to speak with in the retrieval process. I have said for months now that I can’t wait to get out of here and into a house of my own and I DO mostly feel that way still but at the same time it’s a huge step to take and one that I’m coming to believe I may not be ready for quite yet. I flip flop back and forth a lot on it and I suppose I’m not calling it just yet but I am feeling that the universe may have other plans for me this year. (Like getting some teeth worked on that are long, long overdue.)

– But I digress –

Anyway, the last two weekends have been deliciously cozy, comforting- simple, yummy things dreams are made of. A full fridge, snuggly blankets, soft clothes, beautiful music, my kitties, the ability to wash my clothes whenever I want (as opposed to hauling stuff to a laundromat. I’ve definitely paid my dues there 😖) I’ve read two books (and 5 already for the year. Just ordered more today too) I am immensely grateful for the things I have and where I am at in my journey of self reflection despite feeling like I need to analyze my happiness in being an utterly solitary human being. It seems strange that I would need to put my contentment under a microscope and try to explain it away but I do.

I guess the point of this post is just to simply reflect on how thankful I am to be here now. It’s not always been so easy to say that but I truly feel it with every bit of me.

My MoonLit app tells me that her energy radiates much clarity and gratitude upon us right now and I do feel awash in that beautiful light.

*~ On putting my words of the year into motion

Oh Today! You felt so much lighter than yesterday and for that I am immensely grateful. My anxiety level was barely elevated at work even though I had nothing new come in to keep me busy ( and as I mentioned previously that generally stresses me out) but I had some other things come up that kept me occupied and feeling useful/needed. Once upon a time (last spring and summer) I was so very slammed I went for months and months without ever taking a lunch break. Even though those days finally passed (for now I presume) I have a tendency to stay at my desk off the clock and just read and eat whatever I brought. This usually means a few things happen- I get extremely annoyed by all the chatter, someone comes up to my desk and starts talking/asking questions even though my monitor is black and I’ve got a book in front of me, I get teased for never leaving the building. I could technically go home but with traffic in this area it always felt like I’d get home, sit down for five minutes and then have to turn around to go right back.

I also set a goal last night to leave the building for lunch today and to pick up celery (so I wouldn’t have to stop after work) and I figured I’d grab a salad from the bar. I never pick up food or eat out and very rarely ever order food for delivery so I thought I’d treat myself. (Yes I know, to the salad bar at a Harris Teeter. How romantic yes? hehe) I gathered up my items and headed to closest open register which was the self checkout area and the woman “monitoring them” (aka leaning on her post texting) was SO nasty when my bags of celery wouldn’t scan. She made it seem like I was an idiot, jerked it out of my basket said “so scan them, that’s what a barcode is for” slammed it onto the scale and proceeded to scan it over and over to no avail, receiving the SAME error message I did indicating the skew was not registered within the system (duh) When she FINALLY finally finally just hand keyed it, she jerked up my salad container, keyed that in and reached for the remaining two items as if I couldn’t possibly handle it. It really ticked me off that she was being that aggressive with me because the merchandise in that store did not ring correctly on those machines not because I ripped up a barcode and asked her to tape it back together. I came very close to saying something and getting curt right back but I held my tongue and I tried to “let it go” once I left the building. That was not about me- it had nothing to do with me, in fact she never even looked at me. Not Once. I need to work on sending positive energy to people like that instead of feeling that smack of ego or taking it personal. I struggle with that. I really, really do. Pre “widow” me would have apologized profusely and probably burst into tears for being so incompetent through the eyes of others but I’ve learned that Post “Widow” me will chew someone’s ass out before I even realize words are tumbling out of my mouth. It’s been a unique journey getting to know that side of me but as strange as it feels once I reflect on it, I’m not ashamed to say it’s come in handy a time or two. Once I got back to my car I took a few deep breaths and I did let this situation go. I moved about the rest of my day just fine unlike times in the past where I would have swung from that rope all day getting myself tangled in worry and doubt and self-hatred, convinced I was the root cause of someone else’s melt down or bad day.

*~ On Full Moon Energy

This morning I woke up eager to start my day, on time, ready for my celery juice, ready to climb Monday’s mountain on this glorious moon energy high! ( Mostly because I was already excited to be back home though I’d not even left yet but anyway) I was excited to bring in my very tiny crystal collection I sat out on the patio to recharge and the jar of moon infused water and I simply felt good. I wasn’t looking forward to the 17 degrees I was inevitably going to be stepping out into but thankfully it wouldn’t be for long.

I had a few moments of mental back and forth in front of the mirror before I left because I wasn’t totally convinced I was happy with my outfit choice but I decided not to spend too much time worrying about it. My clothing is generally the biggest reflection of my creativity. I enjoy bold patterns and bright colors and lots of funky, vintage and handmade thrift store finds. I love lots of big jewelry, mixing patterns and textures and most people who know me, know me for this. It sounds like an insignificant thing but it’s important to me. It allows me to embrace and showcase my authentic self and walk confidently. So all that to say that if I am not feeling totally comfortable or proud of what I’ve created that morning, it will end up bothering me even if not immediately. So I should have already known from previous situations that in that moment of pause and question, I probably should have just changed. Would that be the one simple thing that changes the entire workings of my day? I often wonder about what silly choices or decisions are the ones that alter our path in some way.

In driving to work I’m feeling like an Eskimo stuffed into all my layers and I realize I have not only forgotten my rings that I wear daily but also my deodorant! How did I forget that?? I’m already down the road though so what shall smell will smell (??) I also nearly forgot the way to work and then upon arrival sat rifling through my bag looking for the phone I’d already placed on my desk therefore nearly missing the on time punch in. Needless to say, I was twisted around for some reason and the entire day pretty much stayed on that course. Silly typos and other small errors, blank stares, loss of thought… It was as if the same “widow brain” from which I suffered for at least nine months to a year snuck up on me again out of nowhere. Very bizarre. Not only that, but my anxiety level gets heightened when I don’t have a lot of work to do and because I work in an industry that revolves around new homes being built, the winter months do tend to be slower. And I’ve definitely felt that these last few months. Most people would be grateful for work days filled with hours of phone scrolling and endless free time but it drives me up a tree. If I’m doing nothing, please let me do it at home. So mix all that together and I managed to end up with the biggest case of the grumpies for what seems like no reason. As an empath I also will pick up on other people’s moods and energies and often take them on myself so I can’t help but wonder if I had somehow channeled someone else to boot. I’m still learning through that part of myself so I don’t always have a clear image of where it comes from or to whom it belongs if not me.

I spent the entire day really angry and harshly judging at myself for screwing up what “should have been” my fresh start with the moon. My elevated vibration. The continuation of the positive energies I stayed enveloped in over the weekend. Instead there I sat all moody and sullen- fidgety and annoyed by even my calming music playlists which usually help sooth my nerves. Another interesting point to make is how that Full Moon Leo energy can sometimes stir up trouble with the inner self drama…

Needless to say I was more than ready for the work day to come to it’s close. Things did shift once I got home as I expected. I did some yoga, made my favorite carrot, apple, pear juice, hung out with my cats and really felt most of that anger and discontentment release.. of course being at home is tremendously different than being work but it felt really good to have some constructive coping skills as opposed to scrolling mindlessly on the internet or zoning out with the tv.

I also happened to remember that I forgot to pull my (virtual) tarot card this morning too (I mean, it’s a wonder I managed putting on underwear!) so I did it prior to writing this post. I’m sharing it below-

Being still relatively infantile on my spiritual journey, I am always so amazed at how the universe places things before me that just make complete sense or totally apply to the moment/situation. Consistently ! There are always guides and signs and information within reach if we keep our eyes (and minds) open to them. It’s truly incredible.

One last thing I feel compelled to mention- I decided today to do yoga instead of a gym visit because that’s what felt right. This was the first time I’ve picked up this old DVD or done any kind of yoga in ages! (The dust on the cover and my sudden realization of flexibility not simply following me with age proved it) but one of the instructors made my head non up when he gently spoke of letting go of any negative self talk and energy from the day which I took as yet another validation of my word selection for this year 😉

And so tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities and I release the anxiousness and the self loathing and the negativity I entertained today.

*~ On my Word of 2019

(I’m not sure who to credit for the above artwork as I found it on Pinterest but I love it so much!)

I’d like to start by saying I’ve never heard of this until listening to one of my favorite Podcasts last week.

Word of the Year. A word to keep in your pocket and see how the universe weaves it in and out of your life. An intention sent out with the understanding of potentially receiving relatable occurrences both positive and negative. A word that will work with your spirit guide on your journey through this year.

Choose wisely, be prepared, be open.

I’ve done some research and this seems to be common practice among Christians wherein they pray and ask for guidance from God on their life path walking beside this word, and perhaps even for the word to present itself for them initially. I consider myself to be nonconformist, spiritually open minded so my take on this process may differ slightly. Which I think is also perfectly ok. It’s all about authenticity and what feels organic to me is ruminating on various struggles/successes of the past year and making my word selection based on whatever most speaks to me as an aid in this year of my soul contract. So I did this, but it honestly didn’t require a lot of think time. It appeared very clearly and continues to hold my attention although, it’s actually of a phrase rather than one single word. “Letting Go”

And It’s already showed itself- validating my decision. It appeared in the stories of an Instagram account I felt drawn to but didn’t “follow” until today. She literally was speaking her truth on letting go of her ego at times and other negative things that often climb into the driver’s seat of the relationship with her husband. I couldn’t believe what I was reading but also it made such perfect sense that of any account I may end up on today, it would be the one using my chosen words. Of course. I see you in action Universe, and I thank you.

So letting go feels intensely important to me because I’ve really held onto a lot of negative shit over the years. I’ve had some traumatic experiences and I’ve done a lot of inner reflection and healing but at the same time, I have STRUGGLED to let some stuff go. Sometimes it seems a bit unconscious because many of the chains I tend to drag around I certainly don’t want! That’s how it goes though right? For all of us. We try to move past these things or these people or these experiences that have proven to influence our lives or energy in an unhealthy aspect but instead we carry them upon our backs. We become the vessel for their continued ability to pollute. We learn from them sure, but we still hold on.

I don’t feel comfortable going into many specific details of what I feel needs releasing in my personal situation but I can say that I have already done some good by cutting ties in relationships with certain people that my heart really needed a severance from. I’ve ended the communication but I still need to do the soul work. I harbor a lot of guilt and fear of resentment but mostly those I’ve released either haven’t noticed or haven’t felt compelled enough to reach out to me about it which gives further substance to my decision. And really, it was a lot of people, including some that I didn’t expect to step away from. I think sometimes in life we see the benefit of terminating a relationship of any kind for not only us but also for them and that’s how I deeply feel in this case. It’s been heartachey but at the same time so, so necessary.

I also think I’ve been actively working on letting go of all the internal negativity monsters but I know that will always be a work in progress. I can acknowledge that I have come incredibly far in my journey of body acceptance but after spending many years mistreating it and suffering from an eating disorder, body dysmorphia and an overall lack of self care, it’s been a bit bumpy. I am grateful that I’ve held up and I am as healthy as I am today because it is a gift and it’s a garden you must cultivate. I’ve seen several girls struggle until the very end with their ED and of course watching my boyfriend go through his entire horrific cancer experience opened my eyes a little more to how desperately our bodies and our minds need to work together in the time we have in this life. There’s so many things I hold onto that I simply don’t have space for any longer- things I wish I would have never done to myself, things I wish I could have changed for John. Survivors guilt…. I have to learn how to release these things and understand that there is nothing left for me to do with what has already been done.

Tonight is the super blood wolf moon(in Leo)/total lunar eclipse and I’ve been feeling so much positive and gracious energy which I have to be honest, is not usually the case for me around a full moon. I tend to draw in even more than normal and often times I find the week of the full moon to be when my anxiety and frustration peaks. Perhaps not always but definitely often. I think this time may be different because I’m feeling all the positive qualities of the Leo energy (hence, my creative juices floating me back into blogging this weekend?!) I’ve still enjoyed being surrounded only by my cats the last two days but it’s felt very healing and rejuvenating as opposed to stifling and oppressive which my guilt and inner critic will sometimes manifest.

I went for a walk this morning because in listening to my body, I felt more drawn to being in nature than being in the gym. It was beautiful but my goodness it was not as warm as I was anticipating. Granted, I did look at the temperature prior to leaving the apartment and I knew full well 45 was not exactly a spring day but I also just really needed to experience the wind and see the lake and feel the earth under my feet instead of a treadmill. I had a gorgeous Shamanic drumming and chanting playlist from Spotify playing through my earphones and the sun was shining so magnificently after sleeping behind the rain clouds all yesterday.. that wind though. I think I could have tolerated the cool temps had the wind not been so inclined to dance. And I’m a small little earthling so it doesn’t take much of a gust to feel like I’ll blow away. I’ll share some of the photos I snapped on my iPhone below

I appreciated seeing this little lone white feather even though I didn’t get a very good capture of it. I felt compelled to snap a picture though because I know how often times white feathers and butterflies can be indicative of loved ones who have passed. And considering I’ve not been able to get into this space beside the lake (that I’ve been so in love with for as long as I’ve lived here) due to terrible flooding, I thought it very special to find this after feeling so drawn to it today and especially in discovering that I finally have a little access again with some careful stepping.

 

What I’m Listening To- Liquid Mind on Pandora- For Meditation and Reiki Healing